When Listening Matters Most

In his book Disciplines of a Godly Man, R. Kent Hughes notes that the Harvard Business Review recommends an effective executive should spend 65 percent of his time listening. That number stopped me in my tracks. Hughes’ point was simple but piercing: if that much listening is essential in the boardroom, how much more so in marriage?

For the husband, listening isn’t about quarterly profits or team buy-in. It’s about the heart of the woman God has entrusted to him; her fears, her hopes, her unspoken aches. To listen well is to love well.

The cost of poor listening in marriage…distance, frustration, and the slow erosion of trust.

Listening Is Active, Not Passive

James 1:19 calls us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Listening isn’t silence while waiting for your turn to talk, it’s a discipline of presence. It means setting aside the mental “to-do list” and the reflex to fix, so you can really hear the person in front of you.

Executives may listen to gather data and make wise decisions. Husbands listen to gather hearts, to understand the soul of their wife. One is transactional. The other is covenantal.

Why It Matters More at Home

The cost of poor listening in business might be a missed opportunity or a bad decision. The cost of poor listening in marriage is far deeper, distance, frustration, and the slow erosion of trust.

When a husband listens well, he affirms, “Your voice matters. Your story matters. You matter.” That kind of listening draws a couple together in ways no words alone can accomplish.

A Small Step That Changes Everything

What if we treated listening as love? What if we measured success not by how persuasive our words are but by how attentive our ears are?

Maybe tonight, instead of rushing to explain or defend, we could try this: ask one thoughtful question and then simply listen. Not to reply. Not to solve. Just to understand.

It might feel small, but in a covenant built on love, it’s the small things that hold the weight of eternity.

Listening in marriage isn’t just good communication. It’s Christlike humility. And when we take it seriously, we discover that love grows best when our ears are open.

…just a thought.